Growing a Family Mediation Business with Louisa Whitney

Dawn Baxter 

Hello, and welcome to this episode of The Beyond the Dawn Podcast. Today I have my lovely friend and client Louisa with me to talk everything about female entrepreneur life and how we do our businesses, what motivates us and just genuinely have a little chit chat and catch up around what it is like to be in that space right now for female entrepreneurs. So welcome, darling.

Louisa Whitney 

Thank you, thank you. It’s lovely to be here. And I’m really excited to have a bit of a chat.

Dawn Baxter 

Good to have a little at lunchtime get together. Although I do wish that we would do in person with mimosas some time. That could be pretty good rather than just between the screens. But it is fantastic for us, obviously to get this time. And you know, at the end of the day, it is good to connect. It’s good to connect with like-minded people and just chat and be.

Louisa Whitney

Definitely.

Dawn Baxter

So how are things for you at the moment what’s going on for you in terms of business?

Louisa Whitney 

So my business is divorce and separation, so I’m a Family mediator, I help couples who are separating to make arrangements for what happens next. And I bring them together to talk about that, and it can be a little bit fraught. And it’s probably fair to say it’s been a little bit more fraught, because going through a separation as well as having dealt with a global pandemic is pretty hard work. So, the biggest thing I see, I suppose, is people that are overwhelmed. They’ve dealt with home schooling, they’ve dealt with the pandemic. And now they’re also dealing with a separation. So I think the way that I come at it is making sure that I have the skills and the compassion to be able to hold people who are finding it perhaps a bit tougher than people did in that space three years ago.

Dawn Baxter 

This is a thing, right? So like, for so many of us, there has been the effects of the pandemic, and we are totally affected by the situation in the world right now. But when it comes to actually separating with somebody, which is already inherently such a difficult process, how do you even begin to know what it could be like for someone who has been through all of the emotional grief, and then had a global event happen that obviously will affect their emotional and mental states? And all of the additional things that come with that, all of the normal things that come with that, like parenting, splitting assets, all of those different things, it must be absolutely exhausting. How do you find it?

Louisa Whitney 

It definitely could be exhausting, and I am a big believer that in order for me to be able to help other people, I have to look after myself, you know, the whole oxygen mask analogy on the plane. So, I do take regular breaks in my work, I make sure that I’m having, you know, just it’s about having time away and definitely getting away on holiday and doing something else. But also even in the context of a day just making sure that you’re not full pelt the whole way through. You do take a moment just to stop and breathe because I’m no good to my clients if I’m in an overwhelmed, stressed out, irritable space either.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, that’s true. The thing about you though, is I’ve never once seen you in anything other than complete calm. You are like a Zen person to me. Every single time I see you, you’re just so calm. You’re just so Zen. And I think for people who are going through that emotional turmoil, that’s exactly what they need, right? They need somebody who’s stable, steadfast, and just completely Zen like nothing any anyone can throw at you is going to faze you, right?

Louisa Whitney 

Well, I have to say that if you said that to my children, they probably both laugh their heads off because they’ve seen what it’s like in the morning before everybody gets through the house. But I feel it’s a responsibility that I have to show up in the best possible space and it doesn’t mean that I never lose my temper, that I don’t get overwhelmed that I don’t have moments where I just think I can’t do anything. But when I show up for my clients or when I’m showing up, you know on Instagram, Twitter, wherever I am I need to show up in a space that’s going to be most helpful for the people that need me, so I need to look after myself so that when I do show up, I do show up from that space, and not from the space where I might have been at some other point where I was, you know, panicking because we needed food tech ingredients, and we had no plain flour in the house, you know, that kind of thing?

Dawn Baxter 

Oh, my goodness, I’m so glad it’s not just me that as to handle those things. And the six weeks where my daughter was doing food tech, were one of the most stressful six weeks of my entire existence. It’s crazy, isn’t it? In terms of like, the type of reasons behind people separating, I guess you get to see the whole spectrum of those reasons. And I know that there’s a big event coming up in the UK this year, no fault divorce is on its way. And I wonder how that will affect your niche and whether people will still have their reasons for separating or whether there will be a more amicable way to what’s the fantastic term that Gwyneth Paltrow use consciously uncoupling?  That was brilliant, wasn’t it? I mean, somebody should have known that she was going to go into some high level sales marketing right at that moment. That was that was like the indicator that Goop was coming. I’m sorry, I’ve gone off piste now. But like, what’s, what’s the weirdest reasons that you’ve had from somebody for splitting up is there any funny ones that can give us some light relief?

Louisa Whitney 

So I think the way that I look at it is that every separation is unique. So the straw that broke the camel’s back, is different for everybody. But there is always common themes that come through. So the biggest common theme is that couples just stop talking to each other, they’re busy, they have work, they’re looking after the children, they’re juggling things, and they just stopped talking about anything beyond who’s picking the kids up from school. You know, are we’re going to your parents this weekend, can you get milk, that kind of stuff. And they just lose touch with each other. And so that’s a kind of theme that underpins it. But then other stuff comes from that. So the affair is probably the one that most people talk about. And that usually comes from a space of somebody not being happy in a relationship, ending up in a situation where someone seems to connect with them and understand them. And they didn’t mean to, but it’s a new relationship. And that is always very difficult for the people involved. There are also really sad situations where people actually still love each other. But they have had to separate either because they’re not working together, or I had dealt with one case where they needed to separate because in order to get social housing separately, so they could both sleep they had to divorce. That’s probably one of the saddest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

Dawn Baxter 

Oh, my goodness, Louise, I have never heard of anything like that. And that, actually, that sheds a new light on the conscious uncoupling idea, because I guess some of the reasons why people choose to no longer be married anymore. You know, there’ll be a spectrum of things that we because we all would totally understand the affair, we would totally understand the irreconcilable differences. I don’t know if I said that, right? You know, we understand those things. But when it comes to actually looking at the way the structure of your life is, and figuring out that it can’t continue in the current format, and then having to do something quite drastic to uncouple that sounds quite heavy,

Louisa Whitney 

It can be really heavy, and that’s why the no fault divorce that you mentioned, is also going to be really helpful, because if a couple separate at the moment, and they haven’t been separated for two years, the only way that they can get divorced is to make allegations against each other. So that might be allegations of adultery, or it might be allegations of unreasonable behaviour. So unreasonable behaviour is a subjective test. It’s what’s unreasonable to the person petitioning for divorce, not to anybody else. So it can be they never ever wiped up the sink after them. They never ran the Hoover around and they were grumpy the entire time. It doesn’t have to be huge things of, you know, incompatibility. But for most couples that I see, it’s just broken down. It’s really sad. And they don’t really want to make allegations against each other. So the way the law is changing, you won’t have to do that any more there will be a new way of doing it whereby you don’t have to say the other person was unreasonable. And I think it will help because things are already tense at that moment. So having to say nasty things about each other really doesn’t help. And I think often there’s this idea that the decision to separate from someone is clear cut and sometimes it is, but sometimes it’s like 60% of me says I’m better off without them, but 40% of me would still stay in the relationship, it’s often a very fine balance. And it’s a decision that I don’t think anybody takes lightly to separate. And it’s a really tough one. And it’s often a really scary one as well, because a load of things stem from it such as, you know, we’ve made ends meet in one house, but now we’ve got to pay for two houses, or things like I’m going to have to live on my own, I’ve never lived on my own.  You know, all of that kind of stuff can bring up loads and loads of fears.

Dawn Baxter 

That’s actually a really good point. Have you ever had an opportunity when you’ve been mediating? To see a couple actually not go the whole way and end up back together? Or is that very, very rare?

Louisa Whitney 

It is very rare, because couples come to mediators because they’ve made the decision to separate and they want to talk about what happens next usually.  If they’re wanting to save the relationship, then they would go to a couple therapist a relationship specialist. But occasionally, people fall in this no man’s land where they’re not sure whether the other person really does want to try. So they’re not sure whether it’s worth going to a couples therapist, but equally, they haven’t quite made the decision to separate. And if it’s a conversation, they’re struggling to have themselves, then almost where do you have that. So I have had a couple of situations where I have facilitated that conversation for the couple. And they have decided that actually, they do want to give it a go. And I’ve then referred them out to a relationship specialist, a therapist, and I haven’t heard from them again. So I do hope that it was, you know, a happy ending.

Dawn Baxter 

No matter whether you were there to refer them to the right people, or whether you’re there to make the transition into that conscious, divorced, uncoupling happen. At the end, there is a happier ending because you’ve been involved.

Louisa Whitney 

I hope so that’s always what drives me forward, the idea that you’ve made what is a difficult and horrible situation a little bit easier to bear. And I also focus on the children involved, because we know that parents separating in itself doesn’t necessarily cause issues for children. But what does cause children long term, emotional issues, behavioural issues, sometimes mental health, sometimes physical health issues, is being caught up in conflict between their parents. So knowing that if you say this to mum, she’s going to get cross. Or if you do this with dad, then there might be an issue there. And just trying to make sense of the relationship and being caught up between warring parents, it’s just horrible for children.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, and I think one of the things that’s become really, really apparent in possibly the last decade, is how many adults now are still struggling with those situations from their childhood, where they were slap bang back in the middle of that conflict, and didn’t know which way to turn and didn’t have a healthy, honest opportunity to expel their emotions around all of that conflict. Because when you’re a kid, you almost have to shut up and put up, don’t you? So it is a situation where actually, if we’ve never been more educated than we are at this moment in what that inner child trauma can manifest into as, as adults.

Louisa Whitney 

Definitely. And I think one of the interesting things in my work is that when I meet, and I always meet with both parties separately to start off with, when I meet with them, if they are the child of divorced parents, it’s often making their own separation worse, either, because as a child, they vowed that they would never put their children through what they’ve been through, or because it wasn’t a really good experience and they’re worried about putting their children what they went through as a child, or even sometimes their parents separated really amicably and they’re worried that they won’t be able to recreate that for their children. And it’s added a kind of extra pressure to them, that they’re then struggling with. But I think, you know, one of the sad things right now is that we know a whole lot more about mental health and a whole lot more about the impact on children of all kinds of emotional situations as well as the pandemic. But this is actually coming at a time where children’s mental health services are being cut dramatically. So there is a whole thing about you know, if you know, a child is struggling, how do you get them help and support and that can be something that’s really difficult for parents wanting to help your children but not being able to access that support.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, and that’s such a valuable insight into how things are at the moment because we have survived, we’ve gone into survival mode. And it’s not just obviously where we are in the UK, it’s actually a global situation. And at the point of us, recording this, we’re also in the midst of Ukraine being brutally attacked by Russia, and that will just compound another massive event that globally is being dealt with. And we are kind of reeling a little bit, I mean, 2022, you would have thought that, at this stage in humanity, we would have a lot of things available to support us as humans. And I feel like actually, at this moment in time, if we just take a snapshot of where we are, we’re actually dealing with a lot of stuff from every single angle. And a lot of the services that we perhaps would have been able to rely on a couple of years ago have not yet recovered from the global pandemic. We know that obviously, funds and attention are going in other places. And this is what I love about the work that you do, when you and I first connected, and you told me what you did, although I knew about mediation, and I had connected with some other people in this space, I didn’t actually fully comprehend just how wonderful it could be to work with somebody like yourself, and, and actually why this isn’t available, as an open service just for everybody. And I know that there’s things like Relate, which is more about relationships, and I know that there are some Citizens Advice support that you can get out there. But in terms of how you actually create this framework that allows amicable, open communication for these couples so that they can navigate that emotional and mental well being within their household whilst they’re going through the transition. It’s priceless. And I wonder how many people are out there that don’t know that you exist, that you that you are there, kind of like the secret sauce, helping people behind the scenes just keep their shit together? Because it’s one of those things that people, they probably think well, what is a mediator? You know, who do you go to a mediator? What do you go to them for? And how can they help and that’s why I really, really have loved watching you flourish and watching you grow and more people getting on board, because you are also that connector piece between the relationship therapist before the solicitors, you know, you’re wedged beautifully amongst all of these other areas of support. But actually, you can quite often be the one that gives the kick into the right direction you can signpost those couples to the right place.

Louisa Whitney 

And I think that’s one of the wonderful things about working with you is that it’s enabled me to understand how to communicate all that I have with people in a wider way. Because I think it’s important for me to provide the service that I do to people. But equally, it’s important to communicate with more people that this is out there. And it doesn’t matter whether you don’t come and see me there is a whole wealth of family mediators out there. It’s probably also important to mention that legal aid, which is not available for getting a solicitor in most family breakdowns is available for mediation. There’s also currently a government voucher scheme whereby if you want to make arrangements about children, you can claim up to 500 pounds towards the costs of your mediation. And the reason for that is that the government bluntly want people to try and sort out their own family issues wherever they can, so that they’re not using the court system, which has huge delays in it and huge problems. And I do really believe, obviously I’m biased, that mediation is a process that can hold you. So you can start when you first separate, but it may be that it’s too soon to talk about things so you can then go out, maybe get some counselling if you feel you’re not coping very well, get some advice from a solicitor so that you have more realistic expectations about what could what’s likely to happen going forward. And then you can kind of come back into the mediation space. So you’re held throughout that whole transition, but going out to see other people as and when you need that support. And if I had pound for every time someone had said to me, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. Honestly, I would be retired on a Caribbean island probably, although I’d probably be quite bored. Because why would you know what to do? No one teaches you this stuff. Like it’s not like you get sat down in school and someone says, well, if you separate this is what happens. Why would you know? I think you’re absolutely right about what’s happening. Yeah, about what’s happening in the world at the moment, it kind of feels like a collective trauma it breaks your heart to look at people in that warzone. But the ripples are felt by everybody around watching it. And you know, personally I feel for our poor children who have gone through the pandemic like all children worldwide and are now seeing these kinds of things on the news and trying to make sense of the world that they are a part of and which they will be playing an even bigger role in as they get older and if part of my work can be to help teach people the communication to make things a bit more peaceful, then, you know, a drop of water in an ocean, I would be pleased to place that drop.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, absolutely. And I think sometimes we can look at these massive global events. And we can look at the trauma and like you say, the collective trauma, I love that say, and that’s exactly what it is a collective trauma, and perhaps not recognise how the individual people can do good things to support getting through this in the best possible way. I’m not suggesting that there is a good way of getting through this, a lot of the damage, as we’re speaking right now, damage has been done that will never be able to be reversed. However, you know, the small act of human kindness where you are, where you actually are in the world right now being able to help those couples not bring conflict into the house on top of that collective trauma, or that real effect from the pandemic, that that gives just a little glimmer of hope, doesn’t it to the situations where actually, we could all have a slightly more peaceful existence and okay I’d love to say that me and Louisa are about to jump in a tank and get an AK 47 and jump in with the Ukrainian people. Our hearts are with Ukraine. But we’re still where we are back in the UK. But we can do things from where we are on all levels, to try and make things a little bit better. So you know, in that in that family unit, where the conflict is there, where that relationship breakdown is occurring, where those children perhaps, are already dealing with outward stresses that we never had to deal with when we were children, and have no idea how that is emotionally affecting them, that probably won’t be apparent for years to come. You know, so doing that and helping those people. It’s such important work. And you must feel so proud to be able to get in there and do the messy work that so many people perhaps will turn away from. But is so necessary.

Louisa Whitney 

Absolutely, there are days when I almost want to kind of do the Singing in the Rain dance where they jump up when I come out of a mediation session, because it is just you can see how things have turned around. I did a social media theme in February about tips on how to have difficult conversations. And my focus is of course on talking between separating couples. But the tips work for any difficult conversations, whether that’s with a current partner, a work colleague, you know, your mum who’s always had a slightly difficult relationship with you, all of that, those difficult conversations, if we can have those difficult conversations without them turning into arguments, that’s a really valuable way of just turning the conversations around so that they don’t drain you so that they are more constructive. I talk a lot about the three C’s being calm in communication being constructive and being compassionate. Because if you are constructive, you can usually achieve more things. And being calm usually helps you be more constructive. But also if you come at it from a place of compassion, it usually means that you are more likely to see the other person’s point of view, which is a difficult thing sometimes to do as well. The temptation when you feel you’re not being listened to by someone is to just shout a bit louder, because they clearly haven’t understood what you’ve said. And then that’s when it all escalates. And I think the hope bit is really important. Sometimes what I do with clients is to just hold a hope that they will be able to sort this out when they don’t have any. And if I can say to them, Look, I have faith, I think you’ll get there, even when they have no faith themselves, actually, that can often keep them going a bit. Because usually what it means is they just hit a hard bit and they might need some more information, they might need some time, they might need some more healing. But in due course they might get there. And sometimes that can be a really, really good gift to give to people.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it’s like being a library card and allowing people to check out and borrow that belief and that faith, just for long enough for them to see that actually there is the possibility here of having maybe not the most positive outcome, but certainly a more positive outcome than they can see themselves without that additional support. And I think, you know, those difficult conversations that you mentioned, it’s a skill that actually anybody at any stage could really use. You know, like effective communication without conflict is something that that we’re just not as humans inherently very good at. It’s something that the people I know who are calm in those situations it’s been an act of self mastery. And I talk about your subconscious mind quite a lot when we’re talking about how we feel what we’re doing in terms of getting our messages out and being visible and being online. And my amazing friend, Fran Excel, who talks about mindset, and she unlocks neural pathways, and she’s just fantastic. She talks about the subconscious a lot as well. And I think in an argument, we do accidentally fall into those subconscious patterns. And you’re not consciously playing out the discussion or the communication as effectively as you think you are. In fact, quite often, it’s the opposite. You’ve fallen back on autopilot, and autopilot is just going to play you the same scene over and over and over again, because that’s what’s locked in. And so yeah, I mean, what I love about what you share, now on your socials is not just about people who obviously need the mediation. And of course, that’s a wonderful thing for people to be able to recognise from you, because that’s what you do. But even for couples who perhaps are in that state where they haven’t made the decision yet, where they haven’t quite figured out whether it’s time for mediation or time for a guidance counsellor, in terms of a relationship specialist or whether it is time for just straight down to the Solicitor’s Office, you know, like, it’s good for those people who are in that stage of this isn’t right and I don’t know what to do about it. And you know, what can I do about it? So that whole theme in February, I bet you’ve helped so many people that you don’t even know you’ve helped.

Louisa Whitney 

I hope so that would be rather wonderful to think about it, wouldn’t it that you’re helping people without even knowing that you’ve helped them because they’ve just flipped past a couple of Instagram posts about triggers or something. And that has enabled them to put the tools in place, one of the things that I have is a PDF about making that decision, about how to separate? Because sometimes you just don’t know, it feels bad, but they are good bits. So how do you make that decision, and I just shared some tips in there to help people make the decision. Sometimes it is just a bad patch, because of the fact that you’ve had all the pressures, many of them we’ve already talked about. And sometimes it’s something that is a bit more fundamental underneath the amount of clients I have, who say hasn’t been right for years, sometimes many, many years, or that you know that whole well, we were very different people. And when we were first together, that was really exciting. But then we had children, and we are both very different as parents, and now what was exciting now feels like a massive burden that we can’t get over. So yeah, the thought that I shared a few things with people that have given them tools to enable them to resolve things in a way that works better for them it’s magic, really, isn’t it the power of social media in a good way?

Dawn Baxter 

Yes, and we need to do more of that. Because there’s such a negative outlook on social media at the moment, so many people are seeing, the noise and the bad practices, and the fake news and the ridiculous, rages from World dictators that we don’t agree with. And they look at social media, and they just hate it. And I think sometimes this is why the helpers and the good people need to be on social even more. It’s not that we should desert it, what we need to do is represents the wider of humanity, because we are actually inherently good, I believe we are more good  and we have to have that voice out there otherwise it will be squashed forever, you know? And yeah, I’d love to think that that is happening for people have just accidentally fallen across your page, finding these wonderful tips and hints, downloading the PDF and being immediately supported. Because you’re so good at being able to see things for what they rationally are. And when you’re in that emotional space, you can’t see those rational things.

Louisa Whitney 

No, absolutely not, and I’m not going to sit here and say I am always calm and I always have things together. I have moments where a small problem has occurred, and then within 10 minutes, I’m like, that’s it, this is doomsday, everything is going to go wrong. It might be that I haven’t had any new inquiries in the business in a week, and that’s it, it’s going down the pan, there’s nobody, it’s not going to happen again. You know, we all have these moments where you’re a bit under pressure, you’re not rational and you go to your worst fear. So being able to have the skills to just say to yourself, hang on a minute, what’s fact here what’s reality, let’s just take a few moments, sit down, take a few breaths, or in the worst case scenario to have good people who you can say I’m panicking about this and they can say right, it’s okay, we can calm this down. You know, you’ve gone several stages on from where you actually are now come back to where you are now and let’s deal with that. I think when thinking about social media, I really believe that you have to put your energy where the good stuff is. So if you see the good stuff, you know, and I look at all the people since war in Ukraine, all the stuff about people who are donating, people are trying to source help, people who are doing things, wonderful moments that have come out of that, you know, there’s babies being born in war zones, which is a horrific way to be born in but there is new life there as well. And I think sometimes you have to focus on seeing the goodness, rather than seeing the badness. Because otherwise you just lose faith really, wouldn’t you?

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, it’s the same thing we’re just borrowing faith, like people do with us.  People are borrowing faith and belief off us for things that we’re very confident in and we feel a gospel and we’re doing the same thing with other things, right?  In terms of for you, as a female entrepreneur, how do you feel about you’re having your own business? Like, what is the main thing for you that has happened before, you know, creating this fantastic business? What was it that made you want to go into what you do now?

Louisa Whitney 

That that’s a really, really interesting question. So for me, I was working as a family lawyer, and I became quite disillusioned with it. The way that I describe it to people is that I felt that when I was working as a family lawyer or a family solicitor, I was helping people to put out fires that they had just started. And when I did my mediation training, I realised that I could teach people how to avoid starting fires. And I spent a bit of time with one foot in each camp. But I really came to the conclusion firstly, that that was where my heart lay, I loved the mediation, but also secondly, that it’s better to try things and fail at them than to spend your entire life thinking, I wonder if I could have done that. So I left my job as a solicitor, and I set up my family mediation practice. And if you’d have said to me at that point, oh you’re a female entrepreneur, I’d have gone What? No, what you mean?  Because as far as I was concerned, I was just running the business because I did that to be the mediator and to offer the services. So it has very much been a journey for me to realise that actually, there is a whole business side that I didn’t know about, and that I’ve had to learn about and get skilled people like you involved to teach me things and help me with things. But also such a big thing about the mindset of actually embodying the fact that, yeah, actually, I am an entrepreneur, I offer services, my business has massively evolved since I first set it up and is continuing to evolve. And I am somebody who is doing work that they love and making a hopefully small difference in the world.  There’s a lot of people that aspire to that. And that was something it took me a while to get my head around the fact that there’s people in the world that want to be me. And, I spend a lot of time having zoom coffees with people who are on that journey, because I’m always happy to share in the same way that people shared with me when I first set up and that’s a kind of part of paying it forward to me. You know, if the world can have more mediators in it, won’t it be a better world.

Dawn Baxter 

I love that, because it feeds into my core belief that there is no such thing as competition. And it’s something that we talk about quite often. And obviously, it BTD because so many people come to us. And the motivation for working with an agency or for hiring somebody like me, is to get the edge on the competition. And that’s really not what we’re about, that’s not the reason to do it. If you can see another female entrepreneur in any space, and give her a little lift up, then do it, pay it forward, do what you can, you know, I know that there are people who lifted me up and gave me the spotlight and put me in a position that I would never be where I am in my business now without that support. And then you go back and you find other women that are a step behind the stage that you’re at now and you do the same thing to them. And collectively we do have that great empowerment then together. So I love that you said that because as female entrepreneurs, I do think that we’ve shifted, we’ve shifted a whole vibe online, probably in the last five years, things have shifted dramatically from that whole feeling of actually women are pitched against each other. We can’t actually trust other women, they’re after our clients, they’re after our men,  they’re after our girls thereafter. Do you know what I mean? Like they’re going to come for that you love, that competition thing. And I’m convinced that was all made up by a dude. Because the women that I have in my life are just, they’re astounding. Don’t get me wrong, there are some fantastic men in my life like my brother in law is incredibly driven, my husband is incredibly driven. And you look at these people, and you think, wow, they are fantastic people, but girls in particular, we didn’t always get on. In fact, it was actually almost famously cool oh, yeah, I have more boyfriends than I have girlfriends. Because I just don’t get on with girls. I don’t know if you remember that. But it seems to be the thing everyone would say. And it’s just not cool, I love that.

Louisa Whitney 

I was going to say that was absolutely me at secondary school, I could not, I had friends that were girls, but just the whole interaction of that vibe of the nastiness, the kind of competition, I couldn’t deal with it. So when I was about 16, pretty much all my friends that I hung around with were boys, because you just didn’t get that crap from them. And now I have a huge circle of really good female friends. And I think you’re right, the vibe has definitely changed. I noticed it actually when, and this is not my natural home space, but when I’ve been in the gym, which I have been going to more recently, if you went back to when I was in my 20s, I’d probably have been like, oh, my god, she’s thinner than me, she’s got a better ponytail than me and all of that stuff. But now I’m just like, yeah, high five for girls doing it for themselves. And you know, it’s about being comfortable with who you are not about trying to get, you know, the cute guy in the gym to look at you because, frankly, I couldn’t care less. Now I’ve married for some time and really just no. But it’s that kind of vibe, you know, just it feels very different.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, it’s when you can look at somebody else, and you can see lots of things that you would want for yourself. And instead of going, oh, my goodness, why is she like that? How does she have that? Looking at that other woman and going, wow, that’s really amazing, I’m happy for her. And equally, I will get there, I will do what I need to do to have what I want to have. But that’s not happening right now. If it’s not happening, and look at her, that’s brilliant, let’s celebrate that person and let her shine for a moment. And I think it is such a different shift. And without the relationships that I have in this female entrepreneurial space I would not have the business that I have now. I rely on those relationships for my emotional well-being. And you know, people think once you get to a certain level of business as well that perhaps you no longer need that level of support. And that is  – that’s boo ha, the more you do, the more of that support that you need,  I rely on my trusted friends, my female entrepreneurial kind of community so regularly. And it’s such a beautiful experience. It’s like Louisa it’s like having a bunch of of tiny female mediators to support you with all the difficult decisions and things. It is it’s just and you are so skilled in in both of those areas and such a valuable member of the community that it is it’s just a wonderful thing.

Louisa Whitney 

I agree with you wholeheartedly. There’s I mean, there’s a number of female mediators like me who run their own practices. And we quite often have a little kind of message around going, oh, this has happened today, I’m bit worried about this and it’s always the kind of but you did the right thing. That’s awesome, that kind of cheerleading, and it is a valuable support, because sometimes if you are kind of working on your own, you got your own business, it can feel a bit lonely sometimes. So just having those trusted people that understand the space you’re operating in to talk to and offload to and just cheerlead as well is phenomenal.

Dawn Baxter 

It is, it’s so good. So what is coming up next for you? I’m excited, what is what is on the horizon for you in your business now?

Louisa Whitney 

Well, continuing to help as many people going through separation as possible, whether that’s because they’re clients of ours, or because of the fact that they see stuff that we’ve provided. Definitely, my big theme for this year is doing more training for family lawyers, family mediators. And I ran a workshop last week, and I’ve already got people on a waiting list to run it again, which is just brilliant. And I’m running a workshop for family lawyers and mediators at the end of the month about being a highly sensitive person in an area, which if you’d have told me I was going to run that 10 years ago, I’d have been like, What, no way. But actually more and more people I think need the support and to be helped down the journey that I have of managing something that can be really difficult that can be challenging from the perspective of being highly sensitive. So I’m really excited to run that. And I’ve got other training courses coming up and I love training. I love supporting other mediators. I love sharing my knowledge with other mediators and lawyers. It’s just a really fantastic thing to do.

Dawn Baxter 

That’s amazing. That sounds so wonderful. And I didn’t know that you had so much in terms of training on which is fantastic because I bet that there are people out there who are in your industry, and I say that loosely, in your niche is probably the best way to describe it. But they just don’t have that kind of hands on experience. And I bet every single time you sit down with a couple or have those individual meetings with a couple, that experience level for you figuring out what is required, and what is missing in that niche, in that industry is elevated, it’s easy for you then to figure out actually, highly sensitive people, for instance, aren’t getting the support that they need, or you actually being the provider of that service as a highly sensitive person may need more support. And those areas, unless you’re all the way in it the way you are, you just wouldn’t know that that’s required. And that’s what’s really beautiful about being able to offer those trainings. Because it comes from a real place, it’s not just a pie in the sky, perhaps this would be a good idea for the industry. That’s a real, okay, there’s a gap here, somebody needs this support, let’s make sure that support is available, which essentially ties back into your whole purpose.

Louisa Whitney 

Absolutely. And I think one of the wonderful things to me is that when I was working as a lawyer, I really felt like I couldn’t learn anything else I was up to my eyebrows in it, I was overwhelmed. And actually, since I set up my mediation practice, it’s been like a thirst I can’t quench, there’s always other stuff that I can learn. I see things that happen in my work and I’m like, alright, I need to know that now. And, you know, legal training has used to certainly be dull, the amount of times I used to sit in a conference centre, and someone would tell you case law all day, and you would try not to go to sleep and have three coffees in the afternoon. But the amount of things that I’ve learned, I mean, even doing two levels of Reiki training, it’s not strictly relevant to my work, but it’s given me an understanding that I then bring into the mediation room, which means I can understand more about the sort of energetical interchanges and stuff like that, all of it helps me to be better at what I do. And that’s ultimately the point. And then if I can teach other people about it, they can be better at what they do. And you know, everything just grows from there.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, and you’re able to help even more people through training the people that will then go out and help those people, right? And what I love about this, and this is a really relevant thing for female entrepreneurs in general, is that actually, when you have your own business, nobody else is telling you what you’re allowed to focus on and what you’re allowed to bring in, you have the autonomy to say, okay, Reiki isn’t exactly a direct link to what I do and yet, I see a benefit in that, I’m going to learn more about that and I’m going to figure out how we can bring the positive steps of that particular practice into what I do on the daily. Which is, honestly, that level of freedom, if you’re listening to this podcast today, and you’re at the stage where you haven’t started your business yet, and you have ideas like that, and you’re ready to quit the nine to five and get on with it, that is one of the most beautiful things about having your own business, nobody can say to you, actually, I don’t see the relevance in that direct link between this and this. And therefore you can’t explore it’s worth because if I get excited, I’m trying not to get too overexcited and be too loud on the microphone, I’m starting to bounce about,  I can see myself in the camera starting to bounce about.  Which is when I was back in corporate and I loved I loved my job, and I still adore the company that I worked for. But very much I had ideas of things that I wanted to bring in. And there was always two or three people that would have to say yes to that before it would even be a possibility. And quite often, you get to the stage where you’re oh I really think if I was to learn this thing, it would support me in doing this thing. And if other people can’t see it, or if there isn’t the budget for it, or if you’re not in a seat where you know that level of investment is appropriate. You’re not getting that thing unless you go in and do it outside, which ultimately is something that I did do but you know, you go and do it outside of that. When you have your own business, you have that complete autonomy. Nobody is saying to me, no, Dawnie, you can’t go and get your certification in positive psychology, because we don’t understand how that relates to marketing. And it’s like, you know what, you don’t have to because it’s my business, I’m going to go do that. So how beautiful is that? To be able to do that and for you to be able to go okay, so other people may not be able to see how this methodology would feed into this, but I’m going to go and explore that. I’m going to go and see how that could work and what we could do to change the industry and that, that is like the difference between being a business owner and being a thought leader.

Louisa Whitney 

Yeah, absolutely. And I was getting just as excited as you were when you were saying that.  It is just, you know, that’s how ripples of change happen, isn’t it? Ultimately?

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah. And I do get excited about that, because I love the idea that there are now, after the last few years, we’ve had a massive influx, and therefore there are hundreds of 1000s of female entrepreneurs right now that don’t have to wait for a permission slip. I know that’s like I feel like I need a microphone and to drop it.  I mean I’ve got a microphone, but I’m not dropping this one. Could you imagine the bang on the podcast? People listen to this whilst they’re going to sleep, I do not want to wake them up at this moment. Just sink nicely into their subconscious. But it is a moment of like, how profound is that,  that actually, there are hundreds of 1000s of female entrepreneurs right now that do not have to ask permission. Just that makes me so happy.

Louisa Whitney 

Absolutely, I agree. And also I mean the permissions are just huge, aren’t they; you don’t have to ask permission to not be at your desk at nine o’clock. You don’t have to ask for permission because you could only get a dentist appointment at half past twelve or, you know, a hair appointment at two o’clock in the afternoon. You don’t need permission because it’s your business and you’re running your life and the way that works best for you. And if you’re in a good place in life, you’re in a good place in business. So frankly, amen to tearing up the permission slips.

Dawn Baxter 

Yes, that’s terrible. Terrible. All right, my darling, well, thank you so so much for joining me today. I know that the Pretties that are listening will want to come and find you. Whereabouts can they find you on the lovely internet? Well, where do you hang out?

Louisa Whitney 

So my website is LKWfamilymediation.co.uk. And I’m on all the social media channels so you can find me my two favourites would probably be Twitter and Instagram. But come and find me Louisa Whitney, I’m sure if you search I will come up.

Dawn Baxter 

Amazing. Okay. Well, thank you so, so much for being with me here today. It’s been lovely to chat to you. And for everybody listening. Thank you for joining us, I hope that you will subscribe and give us a like and give us a review, because I’ve not had a review in a while give us a review and let me know how we’re doing. And if there’s anything you’d like us to discuss on this podcast, please do reach out to us and let us know. Thank you so much Louisa, have a fantastic day and I’ll speak to you again.

Louisa Whitney

Thank you. Thank you.