How to Turn Your Mindset Around with Florence Andrews

Dawn Baxter 

Hi Pretties. And welcome to this episode. Today, I am super, super excited to be inviting my friend and co-working collaborator, Florence Andrews, who is an amazing visibility mindset coach and guru on to the podcast so that we can talk about all things to do with being a woman, with being in business, with being visible to people out there in the world, and all of that good stuff. So welcome, Florence.

Florence Andrews 

Thank you so much. It’s such a pleasure to be here.

Dawn Baxter 

I’m so excited. So tell us a little bit about what you do you have you been up to what have you got going on for you at the moment?

Florence Andrews 

Yeah, so I am a success and visibility mindset coach and basically I help female, impact lead female entrepreneurs and creatives as well, to really get out of hiding in their business to stop playing small, stop hiding behind the quotes and you know, the stock images, and do the inner work needed to really step up and be the face of their brand to step out of the shadows into the spotlight. And be seen, be heard, get magnetic and essentially get paid. Your energy is your biggest USP. So I really am a big believer in everything starts with that inside work, and then you can move out from there. So that’s what I do with coaching. I’m also an actor, I’m a film actor and a theatre actor. And so the two merge together very much.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, I mean, there’s nobody that’s more qualified to teach us about how to be visible than you. Right?

Florence Andrews 

Right. Yeah, I mean, and I know I know, all the fears because I’ve been there big time. I mean, my fascination in mindset really started when I had horrendous stage fright, horrendous self sabotage over many years on my journey, to wanting to be an actor, and that real kind of internal struggle between the bit of me that knew what I could do and knew what my talent was, and knew I wanted that ambition, and the self sabotage side of doubting my self-worth, doubting that I deserved it, who was I to stand up? The whole show off shame thing I think a lot of women have, which I’m happy to go into. And so when I moved into getting more and more interested in success mindset, and that brought me into entrepreneurship and being interested in that. And I really saw that the mindset struggles between women who wanted to be actors, or performers, and women who wanted to be entrepreneurs were so parallel, it was the same thing because it came down to standing up taking up space without apology, you know, shouting out your wins without apology, being seen, so it was all the same stuff. And I was like, ah okay, there’s somewhere I can really help here.

Dawn Baxter 

Because you’ve lived it, and you’ve walked it, and you’ve been in that situation. And you’ve been in situations that are not normal. You’ve been on West End stages. And you have an amazing film coming out soon as well that I saw the trailer for just a couple of weeks ago, which is fantastic. And I know those types of things when you say that you had stage fright. Like, that’s a massive shock to me, I would have never known I would have never known Florence that you had any struggles at all, because you do all of these amazing things with your acting. I just would never have known, for a minute that that was something that you had to overcome.

Florence Andrews 

Oh, yeah absolutely. And I think it’s still, you know, I still go into, you know, with the film that I did, I walked onto that set, and I was bricking it. Like oh am I meant to be here? So, yeah oh absolutely. And I think, I think I’ve had to really change my relationship to fear. And I think what I used to do was see those nerves as a negative, I thought that they were telling me, I wasn’t ready, that I wasn’t meant to be there, that I wasn’t good enough. And I try and really calm myself down and try and really get rid of them and they wouldn’t go and then it would get worse. And I think what I’ve started to realise, I started looking into performance psychology and all sorts of things back then to deal with it. And what I started to realise was that actually fear can be a really good sign. Imposter syndrome can be a really positive thing because actually, if you’re not feeling imposter syndrome in your life anywhere and you’re not feeling any fear anywhere, it’s very likely you’re just in your comfort zone a little bit too much that you’re not really moving forward. And actually, often it’s a symbol that you’re really doing things that are putting you into that place. And that’s pretty awesome. And when you look out there, it’s like Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey and like, all these people, incredible successful people that talk about having those same fears, those same imposter syndromes and essentially, it’s people who are putting themselves in the arena.  And it’s a constant journey, you know, if we want to grow, if we want to move somewhere that we haven’t been before, we’re continually having to step into places, things that we haven’t done before. And so, you know, we’re going to feel that fear, it’s natural. But I always say that behind your deepest fear, your biggest fear are your deepest desires. And actually, sometimes it’s about following that feeling. And, you know, I’ve got some techniques and things I can, I’m happy to share on the podcast, but it’s about following that feeling and starting to flip it and reframe it and see it as a really positive thing, not something to run away from.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, and I love the way that you describe that. Because this is something that I get asked quite regularly with people when they start to get into that growth part of their business. And it took me possibly maybe three or four cycles of it happening to me before I was able to fully recognise that it was an inherently very, very positive thing. But I used to go through this area of fear and I would say it was it was fear. And it was always before just before the next level up whatever that level up might be, whether that might be taking on more team or whether that might be you know, we go into the next income bracket as a business or any of those types of things. And when you are first in it, when you’re like you say you’ve put yourself in the arena, and you’re actually out there doing what you need to do, and you’re working on it. And obviously, so much of your heart and your passion and your hope is kind of pinned to it. When you get to that dodgy stage of like, oh, wait a minute, this is hard. Something is shifting. There’s a change here that is not usual, for me, comfort zone is just right there but I’ve stepped out of it. I don’t know what’s on the other side of the next step. So many people freak out and I guess that is just like our own entrepreneurial version of stage fright, where we kind of go, is this right for me? Can I do this? Can I actually do this? And everybody I speak to this is why I love talking to people like yourself, Florence that have this just amazing understanding of how this all works. And what you can do to really lean into those energies is that actually every single person I speak to when they just take that next step, nothing bad happens.

Florence Andrews 

Absolutely, absolutely. You’re so right. And I think it’s about you know, we all go to that worst case scenario. And really, it’s our evolutionary psychology, so much of our brain is still wired for like this primal world, you know, our culture, and our society has sped along so fast, and our biology has not been able to keep up. And so essentially, we’re trying to navigate a modern world with like, a caveman brain. These decisions and these moves forward, almost always not life and death. But that’s how we feel it in our body and our brain, and our mind will come up with every reason it can, why you’re not ready yet, why you should turn around, why should rethink your niche, why maybe that programme that if you just finished, it would actually get you there, like another shiny object, but it’s just move to a new thing. You know, it will be everything it can when it feels that uplevel coming. Because essentially, an uplevel is, like you say it’s like out of your comfort zone to begin with. It’s unfamiliar. And our mind just wants to be able to predict the outcome of everything, if it hasn’t got evidence for it and it’s like backlog, you know, in the in the library of your mind, if it hasn’t got evidence of we’ve done this, this is fine. This is guaranteed success and safety, it will freak out and it would rather keep you safe ie stuck that word, have you go towards something where it can’t go yes this is what’s going to happen. And so once we’re aware of that, and how it works, and that those little voices trying to tell you to turn around aren’t really you, you’re not your mind and your mind is you.  They’re echoes from your past, they’re echoes from your parents or your teacher, you know, who had their issues and they were trying to play safe. But it’s it’s getting really clear on what you want, where you want to be and why and when you’re really clear on where you want to be and why you can look at those voices and go is this voice helping me navigate towards that? Or is it pulling me off path? And yes, you know, usually it’s just pulling us off path. It’s just pure fear out now fear of the unknown.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, absolutely. I always love that. It’s just such a simple phrase. And people say it very often, especially in our kind of circles and entrepreneurial world is that trust the process, and is not necessarily trusting somebody else’s process, I think, because we do get tied into that, especially with the shiny thing syndrome of oh, this person’s framework or process will be the magic sauce, actually, I think it’s about your own process, whatever that may be. And the first time that you step into that, that you don’t have an awareness of it before then. So you really do have to dip your toe in the water and try it out. And I really love when I have a client and we’re in this arena where I can say, okay, this is an idea, this is a situation that you’re in, this is how you’re feeling this is what you want to do to move forward. Rather than making it really heavy man, why don’t you just play around with it a little bit? Why don’t you just like, bring some fun and joy into it and test it suck it and see, see what happens. Because if it doesn’t work out really truly what bad can come from it. And most of the time, there’s very little risk in just giving it a go.

Florence Andrews 

Absolutely, the biggest risk is staying stuck. And I see so many people stay in these places of indecision, going well, I’m not going to move forward. I think a really common one with business owners is like choosing a niche right at the beginning, you know, people stay so stuck in indecision, because they don’t want to risk getting it wrong. But actually, it’s like, Marie, I think it’s Marie Forleo, who said, I’m probably paraphrasing, clarity comes from engagement, not from thought or not from thinking, the best way to get clear is just start what excites you and interests you now, move towards it, like allow that to pull you forward. And essentially, the worst that can happen, which is actually a great thing is you realise, oh, you know what, I’ve tried this, and this doesn’t feel right. And now I’m really clear that this does feel more right.  You’ve got to start moving forward and I so agree with you that everyone has their secret sauce, I really, really believe that we are all born with this spark in us that is unique. And I call it lovingly, your inner weirdo, right? We’ve all got our own little weirdo and we were all born with it. And it’s a bit quirky. And it’s a bit sparky, and it kind of spills out the edges. And, you know, it’s, I believe that, if we follow that, and let that shine out, it will lead us to our own version of inevitable success. Whatever success is to you that might be living on a farm peacefully with your kids, it might be being a seven figure business owner, whatever that is for you. It leads you to that blueprint that you’re meant to be on as your highest self, as your biggest self. But what happens is we then get brought into society, into the education system, everyone’s meant to kind of fit into a box. And unfortunately, that spark triggers others triggers, often adults, who were taught to dim down their spark, and we have to make sense of everything when we’re growing up, we need to give meaning to everything that happens to us, because we’re making sense of the world. Everything that happens, especially before the age of seven, we’re going oh right, that means this, that means this, okay? You know, we’re working it all out. And unfortunately, when this happens, we let out our spark, and it’s shamed. We often give that the meaning of that most special part of us that makes us us that quirk is wrong. And we go, alright, we are wrong, I better hide that away. I better put that in a box, we kind of cultivate a bit of a shame around the bit of us that actually if we learnt to love and let it out. Yes, it’s gonna make some people go oh you not for me. But it’s gonna make a whole tonne of people go oh I love you. It’s bringing out it’s learning to go inside, take that kind of hurt in a child by the hand and go listen mate, this little quirky spark, this is what is going to make you succeed. And, you know, it’s I see it again and again. And I think it’s especially prevalent with female business owners that women searching outside of them for that magic bullet of success.  And, you know, grasping at the next formula, the next this and the next that and the fact is, as you know, there’s so many strategies out there, and they all work for someone. Right? And people, of course, are sharing the thing that really worked for them. And yes, of course, we want mentors and we want to learn and that’s I think that’s so important to always be learning and have a mentor of some kind. But essentially, you know, like, it’s about really coming back to the fact that that magic bullet of success is you like you and your energy and your spark is your biggest USP and it blasts comparisonitis and everything out of the water. Because no one can do you – no one! So immediately that’s like half of your niche there just be you.

Dawn Baxter 

That just blows off them out of the water and really gets into focus. No, I couldn’t agree with you more darling, because what one of the things that I’ve always really loved about working in our, with our niche, our circle is that we have lots of business strategy to call on. But we call it like a toolkit. And just the same way as you would tackle, like a physical situation a physical build, we have lots of different tools for lots of different situations. And you know, what we’re building today will be completely different to what we helped someone built yesterday, and it will require a different set of tools, a different set of strategy. And that is all led by the expert of the piece, which is the person we’re working with. They’re the expert of themselves. Yeah, you know, their business. So we just come along and support we’re just like a structure to support that genius and pull those threads. But actually, it’s always within the person first.

Florence Andrews 

Absolutely and I wish more people would start to see that because I think, you know, working starting to work with people and get that kind of support. I think, and I’m sure you see this, like you just said, you know, I think people go, Oh, well, who am I? I’ve just started I’m kind of no one just tell me everything, tell me what to do. And, you know, they’re giving so much away by doing that. And I think so few women, you know, really, really we’re all taught, I talk about I mentioned it before I talk about show off shame. And I think this is a really prevalent thing with women. And I kind of really discovered this and I feel I think I coined that phrase, but who knows, maybe I heard something.

Dawn Baxter 

I love it. I totally get it.

Florence Andrews 

I mean, you know, it felt very prevalent in performing. And it feels very prevalent in the business world as well that, you know, women generally in our culture growing up, we are taught, don’t show off, don’t threaten anyone, make sure you don’t intimidate anyone, just be a bit less, don’t be so much. Don’t be too pretty. You might send out the wrong impression. Or you might threaten other other girls or don’t be too, no one likes a clever clogs is like dull, dull, dull, dim, dim, dim, smaller, smaller, smaller, like how little space can you take up? How much can you not offend others? How much can you make sure everyone else is comfortable, don’t rock the boat. And no wonder then we find it hard to get out there live and put our message out there. Because we’re terrified of being too much or being seen as too much of being seen as a show off. Especially when there’s a lot of coaches out there, like myself who really want to celebrate, being part of a movement where women are becoming more independent, financially, more wealthy, we want we want to celebrate successes of ourselves of our clients. Because actually, I’m like, you know, I heard recently I’m going slightly off on one here, you got me started. Now. I heard recently that one of the main reasons that women don’t leave, a lot of women don’t leave domestic violence situations for as long as they do is lack of financial power, autonomy, you know, women being stuck in situations with kids, and they hold none of the purse strings. And so I do think there is a much bigger, bigger movement here in terms of the whole trend of talking about abundance and wealth. And I and of course that really can trigger people. Understandably, there’s a lot of money mindset stuff there. And it’s not a black and white subject. But I think it’s I actually think it’s really important that we start being able to celebrate ourselves without it being seen as boasting and really go this is I’m shouting this out, because I’m showing this is possible for you. We can all do this. This isn’t competitive this is collaborative, like lets write up with women. And I think this show off shame that a lot of us are still navigating whether we know it or not, from being little girls who are told just be quiet, just be less, just be nice, be pretty, don’t upset anyone makes that really difficult. So that that’s a big part of what I do as well is really try and get women over their show off shame so they can just celebrate and shine because when one of us shines, I always have this image of a woman standing on a mountain and kind of holding up a mirror to a beam of light and that pings off to the other beam of light to the other beam of light. You know and I think the more of us that can be that lighthouse and go here’s my light and I’m not saying sorry for it. The more it gives permission for others to do the same

Dawn Baxter 

I love it. And as I could not agree with you more, I mean, I already we already know that our views on this are aligned. But it’s one of those things that I think in the last maybe five or six years, there has been a bit of a movement. And because I work so heavily in social, it’s been so lovely for that movement to come online. Because women know that we have this kind of these deeper cultural situations where we even have lied to ourselves and denied to ourselves that we’ve been asked to dim our light or that we’ve been asked to be lesser than we are, we do a really good job of making things seem like they’re just fine. And we’re getting on with it. And there’s nothing to worry about such like when women describe themselves as the type of women that don’t get on with other women, I just get on with dudes better, you know, I don’t get on with other girls. And I remember that being quite like a almost like a cool thing when I was a teenager, if you’re the type of girl that didn’t wasn’t interested in other girls, but it’s almost like somewhere deep down in our culture, the idea of girls actually coming together and empowering each other and being each other’s support system and I mean this in a really, truly authentic way as well. Not the fakery, but an actual alliance, that is, from a cultural perspective, a very powerful thing that a lot of people would prefer not to happen.

Florence Andrews 

Oh, absolutely. So powerful. And I do think that there’s a sense of however conscious it is now or not, you know, passed through the generations, there is a bit of divide and conquer there. You know, I think there’s something a bit freaky for a lot of people when women come together, and they realise they don’t need to waste their energy being in competition anymore. And, you know, we are more powerful together, and there’s enough clients, you know, we’re talking about business, there’s enough clients for everyone. And there really is no competition, because essentially, you can have 100 women offering a very similar service with very similar training and skills, helping very similar, ideal clients. But essentially, I don’t know about you, but I’ve really invested in the people that I just resonate with them, there’s just something about them. Yeah, and so you can’t you almost can just release that. Because if you do the work to really get in alignment with who you truly came here to be, and you allow yourself to shine that out unfiltered, the people who love you will come to you, the people whose when you, when you resonate, ripple that energy out, it’s going to make them feel something about themselves, it’s gonna really trigger a possibility of what’s, what can I do, what’s possible for me, you know, when this person talks, they make me feel excited about what’s possible. And for some people that might be me, for somebody I’m the worst person, they’re like, oh I hate her, and that’s like, great, but the wonderful thing is that, we can’t control that and you can then let go of the chasing and the trying to be the right person, and what’s working, you know, in looking at oh that person talks in that way, and they’re doing really well, I’ll try and be like that, you know, it’s pointless, and it’s going to lose you those people that you can really, really serve and help. I really do deeply believe that, you know, so much of client attraction and really pulling the people that are meant to work with you to you, is simply really dropping all the crap that isn’t you, you know, that the adopted identities that you’ve taken on of who you think you should be and who people will like, as soon as you drop it, people can tell you, you know it’s exciting. It’s inspiring that someone’s showing up just as who they are without apology. And then there needn’t be any competition, we really can celebrate, we can really promote each other’s work, we can really go right, okay, you’re not for me, but I know someone great. Because they’ll always be someone that you are the right person for that you say something in a way that it finally drops for them, just because of the way you say it, because you’ve got similar backgrounds, similar experiences, similar sense of humour, something.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, there’ll be something that connects you. I always pride myself on how many referrals we give per month, and I’m talking about non paid for,  not affiliate situations, you know, not a business deal situation, but genuine, it was lovely to meet you. I’m not the right person to help you with this but I know someone amazing who will be worth having a cup of tea and a natter with who might be the right fit for you. Like, I really adore when that happens. And I’ve never once been in a situation where I’ve thought, oh, gosh, you know, I want that money or I won’t gain that client. It doesn’t feel that way when you’re truly comfortable and you know who you’re here to help and what you can do to provide that support for people it’s actually a really lovely thing, that you still get to be a positive influence in the journey by referring out to somebody else as well.

Florence Andrews 

Absolutely, absolutely. And I also love that feeling. It’s so lovely, it makes you feel part of something I think it can be, there’s the risk of entrepreneurship, feeling a bit lonely, you know, you’ve sat there on your laptop in your office. And I think there’s something that feels really lovely being able to make those connections as well for other people. Absolutely, yeah, pulls us all together.

Dawn Baxter 

I really love it.  And I think one of the things that’s fantastic about for entrepreneurs that possibly don’t have that performative nature is still that understanding of that, like you say that performance and shame cycle, because there are probably five or six different memories in my childhood, and I was a performing child, I was on stage, I was going to be a famous actor like you, Florence, I just, I’ve just not And I was actually going to be Beyonce at one time. Yeah, it was, I had a whole dream going on. And I really enjoyed it. And if I was to, it’s very difficult for me to pinpoint the moment I decided that performing wasn’t for me, but I know the decision I made was because it was too hard and success was too difficult. And that was something that I don’t think came from me internally, that was an external crushing of my hope. Now, as it turns out, I do sometimes feel like the universe kind of gave me a bit of a download, because I absolutely adore where I’m at. And I don’t know if I would be the person I am if I hadn’t have been through it. So like, I’m so grateful. And I’m not at all annoyed that I’m not Beyonce, like, I’m cool with it. I’m very happy. But I think it is, if you were to ask anybody there probably could find that time within themselves where they have had a feeling they’ve embraced their inner weirdo, and then had somebody else kind of go, oh, okay, that doesn’t conform to what we want. This isn’t right. You know, we need to, you know, get rid of some of that. And it does shape you as a person. And when you get to the stage where you’re an entrepreneur, and you have something to give to this world, and it’s important to you. And then all of a sudden you have people like yourself and myself saying, well, you need to show up, you need to be you, you need to be out there and you need to be visible and that people do don’t do they just go argh!

Florence Andrews 

Self-sabotage absolutely. Yeah. And, you know, it’s, I think a lot of people, I have people coming to me sometimes saying that I just don’t know, especially like when I was starting out coaching, and it was really kind of more like life coaching. And I’d have people coming to me going, I just don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I want. I don’t have any, I don’t know what my dreams are. And now I owe it. Can I swear on this?

Dawn Baxter

Yes, please do.

Florence Andrews

Now, I always say that’s bullshit, I call bullshit on it. Because I believe that we all have desires, even if they’re those secret whisper them desires that no one knows, and effectively those of us who feel that we don’t or have totally lost connection with them. It’s usually that at some point, we were told they’re ridiculous, or we were made to believe that it’s just not possible for us, it might be possible for other people, but for especially if you grew up with a family where there was nothing like that around you, no evidence of that being possible. It felt like a far away magic dream and we, we learned to just put that dream in a box and lock it and bury it deep. We put it to bed and we move on. And really so much of it is at any age about going you know what, I’m going to give myself permission to go get a shovel and dig up that box. Because you do know what you want. You just decided at some point that it wasn’t possible for you. Well, yeah, of course that would be awesome. But it’s like ah ha, so you do know and so much of that is just yeah, giving yourself permission to go for it and find those… Those Lucy Sheridan talks about pips, you know, proof it’s possible. Find those people, that evidence, people that have started at age 40 or whatever it is. They’ve re-found, they’ve reconnected with that desire, with that dream and followed it.  Because I really believe that desire is, is a really, really important part of business and success. Desire is where it all starts and I don’t believe that desire is just kind of random. I really do personally think it’s kind of dropped in. You know, we’ve all got our specific visions our specific desire that’s pulling us for a reason and I believe it’s a real compass to your purpose. And if you just take the first steps to follow that, then it’s going to lead you to where you need to be. And like you said before, you only need to know the next step. You only need that to be able to see kind of the next 10 feet ahead of you. And then once you step into that, then the next 10 feet appears as well.

Dawn Baxter 

Yeah, absolutely. And I think taking that step, you have to recognise that when you are going out into the world, and you are, especially if you’re the type of person who has dimmed your light, if you’re the type of person who’s conformed for years and years and years, and then you get to that stage when you think no more, I’m going to go for it. You know, it often I find that people that I’ve worked with have gone through either a traumatic event, or they’ve just figured out that actually this, this is not it for me like that dread in the middle of the night lay in bed like is this all there is? And the choice, the desire to go actually no, like I am a woman in my 30s 40s 50s 60s there is still life in this person yet. There’s a whole level of experiences that I haven’t even attempted. And then you kind of recognise the possibilities with that. And there is some risk versus reward and I love using the corporate, middle aged white male business speak, I love using it. Because in truth, there is some truth to it. But it’s there’s truth to it for us as well, like we can take that we don’t have to think that’s something separate from ourselves that we are lesser that we are, you know that we don’t have the tools that is required to be able to build ourselves lives, we are a generation of female Harvey Spectres. And, you know, not all Harveys are Harveys a lot of them are Donnas and it’s a situation where it needs to be seen even. I mean, I love that show. But even with that show, like paralegals, and secretaries, very intelligent, but they’re, you can see that there is a hierarchy, obviously, I love that they had the lady actually running the whole thing. But I think I think the proof that it’s possible needs to be it needs to be in your immediate circle, it needs to be something that you’re actively going and looking for. And also you need to look at those areas within yourself to proof that its possible, just that quick look back to see where were you 12 months ago? And what have you done to prove it’s possible what evidence have you created yourself?

Florence Andrews 

Yeah, absolutely, I think that’s really important is to go back and find that evidence, you know, what have you done before that you were terrified off?  Even if it’s the first day at school, it’s so many people say, Well, I’ve done nothing? Well, you went to school, and you’re probably terrified on your first day of secondary school, primary school, and you did it, and you’ve got through it, and you’ve got through the other end, or was it you know, standing up and singing a song at the Christmas concert or something, you know, there’s, we can all find something and some evidence for the fact that we face something that was terrifying at the time, and we got through it, and really remind ourselves and make the decision to put our focus there, not on all the evidence for why we can’t, you know, we can choose where we put our focus. And that’s so powerful. I agree with you that surrounding yourself as much as possible with women and men, but you know, people who are on a similar journey or on a similar path, and especially, ideally, people who are more successful than you actually are a bit ahead of you on that path. I was, you know, I love that idea of being make sure you the least successful person in the room. Because it makes you up level, and those people are not going to be triggered by you. So none of that crap is gonna come out, you know, you’re never going to find someone trolling you, that’s done it, because they’re not threatened, it doesn’t trigger anything in them. So that’s why I think it can be really important to find a membership, find a group programme, find some circle of women who are going to have your back who want to lift you up, who want to be part of that movement of all rising together, so that you don’t, you know, we’ve already got our own internal mindset gremlins to deal with as we go along this road. We don’t need everyone else’s too you know? So I think I think that’s really, really valuable as well.

Dawn Baxter 

No, it’s so good. And I think, I mean, from your perspective, a lot of the things that you’ve done in your life and career are things that people could only ever dream of doing. So like so I obviously because of my past I know so many people who have worked in the West End but possibly not actually been on stage or like, I know, I know stage managers. I know a beautiful, wonderful costume and wig lady who was one of my bestest friends, and you know, there’s lots and lots of people in that industry and there’s lots of things that they’ve overcome. But in your lifetime, what’s been give me an example of a scary time for you that you overcame?

Florence Andrews 

Oh, gosh, I mean, so many. I mean, I remember even in School of Rock, which is kind of the last Big West End Show that I did, before I had my little boy, you know, I was fine. I’ve done it. I’ve done a tonne of West End shows, you know, and I was playing the female lead. And I had one of these nights, I think it was about six months in. And often that’s when some crazy stuff starts happening. Because your brain knows it so well that you’re on autopilot. And I went on and a little seed was planted, I went on and I meant to walk onto the stage and I’ve got my clipboard I’m playing the headmistress. I’ve got my clipboard on my phone, and I look at my clipboard, and its upside down. And my brain just had enough space to go, oh, your clipboards upside down? Do I turn it around? No, that will draw attention to it. So like, that just dropped a seed of so that’s weird that went wrong. Then I forgot some student’s name in the thing. I thought uh oh what’s happening tonight. And I had some moments, I’ve had many moments, where I just had a couple of scenes where I totally froze, I just couldn’t remember the line, they were just looking at me, I was looking at them, suddenly, you’re really aware of 2000 people watching you. And by this moment, I got to my scene where I was doing my big solo, I’d got myself into a mindset hole, like a real state of I can’t do this. Something’s going wrong with me. I don’t think I know the lines suddenly, and I became really aware of people are watching me, which sounds strange, but you’re just like in the flow of it. And I remember every single line I sang, I took a breath in and during the breath and I was like, I have no idea what the next line is. And just as I’d start to sing, it would come out. And by the end of that I was like almost having a panic attack on stage like the back of my hands were shaking, I just like just get me off the stage get me through the song. And that was probably like the last time that was probably about four years ago, maybe that was the last time that kind of is interesting, because I’d already really gone through the stage fright and knocked it and it’s this one time it came back to kick me in the arse. And I think there’s a few things that have really helped me that I’ve learned a few main things. One is that I stopped because I used to get really bad nerves with auditions more than being on stage. And I used to try and calm myself down. So when I felt the nerves and I felt like you know, it’s different for everyone, but I felt the heart palpitations, my mouth would get dry, my knees will go weak. And I saw that as a really bad thing. Like I said before, I was like, oh, no, I’m nervous. I need to calm down. I’d try and do all the Zen, I try and do all the breath work, I’d try and do it all. And it wouldn’t work. And then I’d get into more of a state because it wasn’t working. I was like, oh no, it’s gonna go badly because I’m nervous. And then I learned that the difference between excitement and fear in your body is nada, it’s nothing. It’s the same sensations, the same physiological response. Really, the only difference is the story you’re attaching to, it is your mind. And so what I learned to do was to stop trying to calm myself down. And to start seeing one that adrenaline as a real, brilliant tool, because it gives you an edge, it puts you into a really focused space where you can actually give a performance you could never usually give if you’ve got that adrenaline as long as you start seeing it as your ally and not going into self-sabotage mode of oh, no, I’ve got all this adrenaline coursing through me. So that was the first thing and then really starting to train my mind to give a different meaning to those physical sensations. So rather than trying to calm myself down, I would say I’m so excited. Oh my god, I’m so excited. So when I started feeling those nerves, and I would attach it to an anchor thought of something either that was I was about to do the actual thing itself, or something that was going to happen afterwards. So for example, a really obvious way of looking at this would be like an example of this would be flying because I’m actually quite scared of flying as well. I have been much better than I was because I use this thing. And I’d be like I’m so excited to get there. I’m so excited to have that glass of wine at my hotel. I’m so excited to feel the heat. So when you keep saying it, it can be quite a lot of effort to begin with. Because I remember the first time I did this for an audition and tried it out but by the time it got to the audition, I was exhausted because I’ve been saying I’m so excited to myself like which I am, but it really works and by the time I got in front of those people and open my mouth to sing, I was genuinely, genuinely so excited. I couldn’t see that feeling another way and your brain goes oh, that’s why our hearts right oh, that’s why she’s sweating. Oh, cool, that’s fine, then she’s just going on a fun roller coaster, she’s just really excited about getting the hotel. Cool. And it can give a meaning to those physiological sensations rather than going, oh, no, this is bad on oh, this is gonna ruin it. And then essentially, you’re kind of just fulfilling your own prophecy and self-sabotaging. And your body’s trying to get you out of it by forgetting lines, or whatever that is for you. So that’s one thing that really helped. And I think one thing to remember as well, that really helped me in situations like that was to start realising that no one’s and this is quite good one for going live and things like that no one’s looking for your fuck ups. No one’s searching for the mistakes. And we are, we’re focusing on that. But if someone is watching, clicking to watch on a live, they are only bothering to click because they are looking at actively seeking for some value in that for them, they’re only searching for the gem of wisdom that they might get out of that for them. They don’t care about anything else, they don’t care if you fluff, what you’re saying. They don’t care if like, they’re not going to notice it because their brain, it’s got nothing, it’s of no interest to them. So their brain is not going to seek that we all have that confirmation bias of, we’ve got that filter in our mind of, this is what we expect to see this is what we’re looking for, because we believe this is what’s out there. And we’re going to our brains going to filter that those things in and filter out the other things into our subconscious that doesn’t fit with that narrative. So we get confirmation back of what we expect to see or what we’re looking for. And that’s a bigger subject and can work in many, many ways and manifestation all that kind of thing, which I love. But in terms of going live and nerves and showing up for your audience, you’ve got to remember, they’re only going to see the good stuff, they’re only going to remember the stuff that they got out of it. Even if it’s one thing you said that was useful. So I think that helped as well to start really remembering that, that it’s almost none of their business, the stuff I’ve got to work on the things I still feel are my weak links, the people watching don’t care. That’s for me. That’s my private time. That’s my time with my coach. That’s my mindset work. That’s my stuff. I just got it. If I feel I can know I can smash 60% of this webinar, of this live, right? If I know okay, if I was to choose out of 100% how much do I know I’ve got in me if I’m okay, I feel I can 60% okay, there’s 40% of crap that I’m scared of. But there’s 60% I know I can smash it. All you’ve got to do is give 100% of that 60%  That’s it, you just got to give 100% of that 60% and forget the rest because they don’t care. They’re not looking, it’s not of value to them. They’re not going to notice it. They just want the value. So I think that’s another thing that really helped me is just to really keep focusing on the truth of the fact that that you know that they’re not looking for the for the mistakes, and we think they are and they’re not as the opposite.

Dawn Baxter 

We do, we’ve got this, this almost kind of universal belief, that critique and judgement is just always just one step away. And that does, it can give you that paralysing fear and like you say, creates that arena where actually instead of giving that 100% of the 60% and coming out and for your audience, actually that being 100% smasher, you’re holding that back and giving no percent of nothing and never making that traction, never taking that step. And you know, the mistakes that I’ve made online, on lives, during all of the things. They have been some of the most valuable experiences in my business, because they have been the learning moments. And never once in those situations, has anything horrendous happened,  has anything bad happened, they’ve always been absolutely fine. And you know, oftentimes, other the people that aren’t even aware of them, like you say they’re just not on their radar. We all come here for our reasons, not for each others. It’s like you would never walk into a webinar and be thinking, well, that successful entrepreneur is going to be nervous, you don’t look at Gary Vee and think wow, he must be dealing with some mindset issues behind the scenes. But you know, he’s only human. And I’m sure that Gary has given himself talking to and given himself a wobble multiple times but it’s not like you say it’s none of our business he shows up he does his thing we take a golden nugget from what he says we’re happy, he’s happy and it’s a win win. So I love that I love that Forence and thank you for being so honest about the situations that you’ve been through because it’s so lovely for us. If you’ve never been in a situation especially if you’ve never been on stage or you’ve never had that kind because it is a level of visibility. Even though it is a different arena. It is still that same feeling because when people click Facebook Live, or when they do their first launch, and they’re doing their masterclass or even when they have their first client, they feel like they’re going on stage, you know, and when you’re a female entrepreneur, you don’t have a costume department and a stage manager in your ear. And you know, you don’t necessarily have a script that you’ve had time to learn, you’re kind of always improvising, you’re always, you know, you’re taking a step back to Whose Line Is It Anyway, I’m just having a bash at it. It’s so lovely to hear from somebody like yourself a professional, who is has been visible and had to be in those situations and overcome them what that is like, and that it can be done, even at that amazing scale that most of us would be naturally petrified to attempt.

Florence Andrews 

But it can be and you’re right, the thing is me going on to the West End is no different to someone doing their first coaching call, or someone doing their first live, because it’s all relative, you know, and, it’s gonna feel from where you are, and your stage of experience, that might feel like going in front of 2000 people on the stage, you know, it is all relative. And, you know, essentially, I always say as well, that action is the final piece of mindset work. And I think a lot of people see mindset work, and then taking action as two separate things. Like once I’ve sorted my mindset, and that’s complete and tied up with a pretty bow, then I’ll go take action. But unfortunately, the truth of it is mindset work is never really done. It’s like a constant journey, it’s a constant things come back to. And the other thing is that, that action is, we can’t wait for fear to go, fear is your friend, and it’s going to be there. It’s part of your evolutionary psychology, like, its going to be trying to kind of keep you safe. Make sure that you know, are you sure and I love Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic. I don’t know if you’ve read it, but she talks about fear, it’s always going to be there. When you’re doing creative pursuits, when you’re doing something new. Get used to it, make friends with it, realise it’s trying to keep you safe, it loves you hold hands with it, just keep it in the passenger seat, don’t like it, let it drive or make the decisions or navigate. And, you know, essentially, it’s, just going to be you’ve got to take action with that fear. And the more that’s what finally blasts the beliefs. And that’s the final bit that blasts the imposter syndrome. Because essentially, then you can’t hold on to a story and a narrative of oh, I don’t do things like that, or I can’t do that. Because your brain goes, well, actually, you just did it. I’ve got evidence, you just did it you blasted that part in your brain goes, oh, I can’t hold that story anymore, damn like it doesn’t make sense. So, you know, at some point, you do have to don’t, don’t judge yourself and worry if you’re about to do your live, even if it’s your third, fourth, fifth live, and you still got that fear with you, one like bravo to you. You’re doing what most people never do. You’re stepping into that arena, you’re doing something that scares you. And don’t wait for the fear to go first. Do it, see it as excitement, see it as adrenaline, see it as a sign that you’re doing something that you truly desire. And know that through that action, despite fear, you’re going to really start blasting through all those old stories and creating a new one.

Dawn Baxter 

I love that. And the importance of creating your own story and that being a conscious pursuit, rather than allowing it to be something that just kind of happens to you, you write it, you decide it and then you go and do it. That’s wonderful. Thank you so, so much for today Florence it’s been absolutely amazing. You said so many things that have made me think, and I already feel like this has probably been like a little bit of therapy for me so thank you so much it’s been wonderful. So tell us more about how people can come and support you and find you and when is the movie out a group of us are going to get together and go watch it all together. I’m so excited. Let’s get people behind you what’s happening with you?

Florence Andrews 

Thank you so it’s a few things. So h=House of Gucci Ridley Scott’s next movie is coming out in November. I think in UK, it’s November 26. So that’ll be in cinemas there. And I’m playing Jenny Gucci. It’s a small role, but it’s a lovely role and I get to be Jared Leto’s wife, which is definitely a manifestation.

Dawn Baxter 

It works ladies it works.

Florence Andrews 

That’s gonna be out end of November. So definitely go check it out. I’m super excited about that. And I’ve got my Facebook group. It’s a fairly new Facebook group so it’s exciting. It’s the Heart Led female leaders hub. So forward slash Heartled female leaders. And I’m on Instagram a lot. That’s where I hang out most. So I’m Florence underscore Andrews underscore coaching on Instagram.

Dawn Baxter 

Well, thank you so, so much. We’ll get those all of those details in the description of this podcast for you as well so that Pretties can just click a quick link and get there. But thank you so much for coming on today Florence its been absolutely amazing. I can’t thank you enough.

Florence Andrews 

Oh, you’re so welcome. It’s been a total pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Dawn Baxter 

Thank you and we will see you next time Pretties have a lovely day.

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